Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
