just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
