I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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