I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
