That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
