I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
