i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
time to smoke my breakfast
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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