So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
