I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
