So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
