please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
sarcasm needs its own font
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
