I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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