So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
