You're completely useless in the revolution.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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