Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
