We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
