It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
