We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
