That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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