The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize