I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
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