Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
