she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
