I'm really into asian looking animals
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
