She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
