i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I don't deserve a penis
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
