The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
