That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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