One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize