she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize