Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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