I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
