my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
