someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
