We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
