So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
