There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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