Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
