last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
