I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
