He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
