All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
