Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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