If i come over, it means nothing
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
