meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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