My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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