She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
