I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
