It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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