So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
