im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
