i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
