You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
