Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
