so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
