A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize