6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
