In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
