Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I believe in your delicious
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
