Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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