my soul wont recognize me after tonight
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
