Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize