Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i barfeds in our rink
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
