Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
